Search This Blog

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Life

It's been awhile since I posted.  This post is especially personal.  Blogger world out there I need advice.

I am faced with a tremendously difficult decision: whether or not to return to teaching.  Now for some this is a relatively easy decision but I am very torn for several reasons.  Last year I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia which is not life threatening but makes life very unpredictable.  One day I am fine (tired and a little achy=fine) and the next I am itching all over and hurt so bad I can barely walk.  If I manage my stress well then I stay in a tired and achy state which is livable but my stamina is not what it once was.  I am only in my mid-thirties so this is rather disheartening.  

I have a toddler, a husband, and too many pets and I need to have enough of me to make it around to the end of the day.

Even though I gripe about the politics, when it comes to the end of the day I LOVE teaching but I don't know if I can do it anymore and I don't want to do a disservice to the children in any way.  I thought... well I can volunteer and help teachers and students but not be faced with the stress of accountability and documentation.  BUT...what can I do to have an income?

I am exploring ways to work from home but am fearful that it won't be enough to get by.  Has anyone else ever been in this situation?

In a perfect world I would be able to work from home, have time with my munchkin and be able to volunteer and help kids discover a love of reading.

More back story...

In late November, I went on a leave of absence because my body wouldn't cooperate and the pain was just too much.  I was getting weepier, especially on the weekends and having a lot of anxiety about not being able to keep up with everything.  Almost immediately after going on a leave of absence, my dear Uncle went into the hospital and for the next month slowly deteriorated until he passed away a few days before Christmas.  After the holidays, my father-in-law had a massive stroke and lost the ability to use the right side of his body.  He is still undergoing physical therapy but will need to go into a nursing home.  My Dad was in a lot of pain, sad about the loss of one of his best friends, and sick.  He died suddenly about a week and a half ago.  It's just too much some times.  This time on leave has been a blessing because I was able to have precious time with some of my most favorite people but it has not allowed me to destress and find the balance that I really need.

I miss my dad.  I will always miss him.  My daughter will miss her Namps.  She's still too little to make the "gr" sound.  I miss my uncle.  Life continues on.  I used to think leaving the classroom was impossible but everything's continued on without me.  Perhaps it is time to explore my options and possibly return to education later in life.  

This Groovy Educator is not giving up on education.  I have been an educator since I graduated college.  There is a whole big beautiful world out there, outside the classroom.  It's okay to explore outside and return to it later.  

Now I am beginning to ramble on and on.  I guess this post is cathartic (just thinking out loud).  I would love comments to offer any insights you may have.